Today, Mr. Conundrum forced me to go through some old books to clear out some space. This is a long overdue task, but the reality of my life is that I need Mr. C. to push me to do things like this--the physical organization of space. While I was sorting through the books, I found an old journal--at least 10 years old. Like many journals of mine, this had two pages of good intentions, and then the writing stopped. The journal was, yes, about focusing on myself, so I could lose weight. I found it ironic that in the big scheme of things, I had made no progress and depending on the year, much regression since I wrote that.
Certainly, my little spurt right now is of a changed person. But, I have had other moments like that in the past ten years. I definitely feel committed right now. But, a month ago I was, and I did not maintain my commitment. So, I am right back where I started from on paper. I think, though, with my history and the fact that I could write the same thing now more than ten years later shows how little progress I have made. This in and of itself is very discouraging, and I could choose to see it as only discouraging.
But, I do feel things are different. I feel like my successes and failures this summer are all part of the same attempt and that I am definitely moving toward success. I certainly have much greater nutritional knowledge and how that knowledge can change my future. Thanks to Eat to Live, I know intellectually what I need to do to change and why I need to do it. I need to eat by getting the highest nutritional value of the foods I eat. I need to make salad the main dish every day. I need to have green smoothies and lots of beans and salad greens to take away the cravings. I need to have cooked greens and nuts to help my body toward health, toward healing. I have to go through toxic hunger in order to end up without it.
And, I think the most important thing I learned is that I have to follow Dr. Fuhrman's plan fully or I do not make it. Part of why I fall off is denial. If I do it halfway, I can be successful--obviously, that is not true or I wouldn't be thinking the same words from my past would hold true in every way today. Another thing I have learned, too, is that I didn't set myself up for success by maintaining my coffee habit--thinking if I took care of the eating, the coffee could follow. However, I do believe the coffee had to be gone first in order to have the eating plan follow. My cravings are not nearly so strong and my mental clarity is better than when I have coffee. Part of that clarity comes from sleeping better.
A challenge to where I am right now will come in the form of this weekend. I have some nice momentum right now and an exercising/eating plan for the week. I will need to do better than last weekend and last year at this time. This weekend has a number of challenges that I do need to meet head-on. I am hoping that the success of this week will breed the success of the future in the form of this weekend. But, really, the choice is mine for this. I just need to make it happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment