I have been struggling the past couple days. I think the high humidity yesterday bothered me. And, today that pattern continues even though the humidity has dropped. I know that going back to school is starting to bother me, too. I have so much to do yet I want to enjoy the final days of unstructured time. Tomorrow, I have work to do at school.
Mr. Conundrum is off looking at cars. He just bought a car earlier this spring, and he appears to want to get rid of it. I never wanted this particular car, and apparently, he does not like it either. The thing about Mr. C. is that he is a very practical person in terms of what he wants and spends money on, but his obsession with cars is definitely a vice. Luckily, he buys cheap cars rather than expensive ones. But, the uncertainty of what he is going to do next drives me into a form of crazy. It's not a serious crazy or even a source of tension since he generally knows how to get a very good deal on cars.
I know I need to get my eating back in line. I'm not sure if it will happen today, though. I should be okay tomorrow since I do have a sort of schedule tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
A Salty Scale and Decisions
Last night and this morning, I made the mistake of stepping on the scale. I knew I should not, but I did anyway. While my weekend was not great from a weight loss perspective, it was not completely detrimental to a positive trend either. I stayed away from the worst trigger foods for me: cheese, dairy-based dips and potato chips. What I did have in place of these were too many cherries and salted peanuts. The good part about avoiding these was that I was able to get right back on my desire to eat right yesterday.
Yesterday was not fully on the Eat to Live plan, but it was a good day. I did end up with a tofu and veggie dish from a local Chinese restaurant. I limited the rice I had with it, and there is a light-tasting brown sauce on the veggies. And, while the sauce does not taste salty, I am sure that it is.
The end result of all this is a weight gain of six pounds since Friday. I know it is water weight, but I also know to give myself space from the scale during a time like this since the water weight leads to discouragement. I even know from the ways my clothes are fitting that I am doing better, not worse overall. I have to admit I am looking forward to school starting--if only for the fact that I will have a more structured schedule.
Again, though, rather than let this frustration get to me, I am continuing on! I started the day with a good weightlifting workout and then five miles on the elliptical. I think today it would help me to clean out my clothes, room and closet. And, with that, I know I need to get rid of clothes to make all this work better. And, I know the dilemma that I need to face is what to do with all my "bigger" clothes. Do I play it safe and thus give myself permission to gain weight? Or, do I trust that I have made the internal commitment that says, "Okay, this is it." I know the answer needs to be the latter because I want to have health above all else, and giving myself permission to be this weight is not healthy.
Yesterday was not fully on the Eat to Live plan, but it was a good day. I did end up with a tofu and veggie dish from a local Chinese restaurant. I limited the rice I had with it, and there is a light-tasting brown sauce on the veggies. And, while the sauce does not taste salty, I am sure that it is.
The end result of all this is a weight gain of six pounds since Friday. I know it is water weight, but I also know to give myself space from the scale during a time like this since the water weight leads to discouragement. I even know from the ways my clothes are fitting that I am doing better, not worse overall. I have to admit I am looking forward to school starting--if only for the fact that I will have a more structured schedule.
Again, though, rather than let this frustration get to me, I am continuing on! I started the day with a good weightlifting workout and then five miles on the elliptical. I think today it would help me to clean out my clothes, room and closet. And, with that, I know I need to get rid of clothes to make all this work better. And, I know the dilemma that I need to face is what to do with all my "bigger" clothes. Do I play it safe and thus give myself permission to gain weight? Or, do I trust that I have made the internal commitment that says, "Okay, this is it." I know the answer needs to be the latter because I want to have health above all else, and giving myself permission to be this weight is not healthy.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Monday Musings
The weekend was good. The boys especially had a great time. My fortitude served me well the first part of the weekend, but I struggled by the end. I know I struggled for a variety of reasons, but it is really difficult to be out of my schedule and routines and keep on plan. It is also difficult not to be the one in charge of food and to be surrounded by it all the time. This weekend has become an annual family event, and I will say that I did much, much better this year than last year.
While I have many areas I need to work on, one of the biggest areas I need to work on is that I can't let two bad days become more than that. I am home now. I am in my own kitchen. I have healthy options here, and I am getting back fully on plan. As if to prove that idea to myself, I started today with a 6 mile run/walk. I did not have a great exercise day and walked far more than I would have liked. But, I did it and got my heart rate up. I burned some calories. And, I got some miles on my legs. I came home and had a green smoothie and some beans. I should be good till dinner.
While I have many areas I need to work on, one of the biggest areas I need to work on is that I can't let two bad days become more than that. I am home now. I am in my own kitchen. I have healthy options here, and I am getting back fully on plan. As if to prove that idea to myself, I started today with a 6 mile run/walk. I did not have a great exercise day and walked far more than I would have liked. But, I did it and got my heart rate up. I burned some calories. And, I got some miles on my legs. I came home and had a green smoothie and some beans. I should be good till dinner.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Plain Meal: Not So Bad
Tonight, I made a very plain meal. There were a number of things going on and I just needed to stay on my ETL (Eat to Live) plan. I steamed mushrooms, onions and zucchini with a cube of salt-free vegan bouillon. I had to use the zucchini soon, so that was what I made the main veggie. I expected not to like it at all, but I was pleasantly surprised when the meal tasted very good. It helped to top the mix with a half of avocado (avocado can improve the taste of anything :-). I had expected to force the meal down with a reward of my very favorite right now: organic cherries. They are spectacular right now.
My eating has been cleaner this week than all summer. That is paying off in how I feel. The scale isn't moving drastically, but I am not worried because I know everything has been in balance. My challenge will come this weekend, but I am definitely planning ahead for it. I am feeling empowered and potentially successful. I also want to keep in mind that I do not want to start over again. My cravings are diminishing and my energy levels are higher. I have not been hungry today and felt like my dinner portion size could be smaller. I actually forgot to eat my beans today, but I will get them tomorrow. I think my appetite was down, too, because I did not exercise today. I am planning on a longer run in the morning. Not sure I will get back here till after the weekend. But, I hope it is to report success!
My eating has been cleaner this week than all summer. That is paying off in how I feel. The scale isn't moving drastically, but I am not worried because I know everything has been in balance. My challenge will come this weekend, but I am definitely planning ahead for it. I am feeling empowered and potentially successful. I also want to keep in mind that I do not want to start over again. My cravings are diminishing and my energy levels are higher. I have not been hungry today and felt like my dinner portion size could be smaller. I actually forgot to eat my beans today, but I will get them tomorrow. I think my appetite was down, too, because I did not exercise today. I am planning on a longer run in the morning. Not sure I will get back here till after the weekend. But, I hope it is to report success!
Fragmented Nutritional Knowledge
I was sort of watching Dr. Oz at the Y while doing my short stint of running yesterday. I wasn't watching real closely (I was, however, watching the time tick down since Mr. C. and I were going to head to the hot tub). Anyway, it looked like an expert and Dr. Oz were going down a list of foods and what they prevented. At one point, they focused on a fruit being good for cervical cancer. I think this is all great information, and it all speaks to the power of nutrition in lifestyle.
What I do find problematic is the fragmented nature of this. Yes, these are good foods and should be eaten, but I wonder how many people focus then so much of the foods in isolation. I know for myself I could add more, let's say, blackberries because I know they are good for me. But, if I am still indulging in other unhealthy foods, is that same benefit still there? I know for me--and this may or may not be true for other people--such an approach is too fragmented to be helpful. There are so many "healthy fragments" that I could incorporate a couple of them and mistakenly call myself healthy. That is something I no longer wish to do. In that way, I find great comfort in the way that Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live program combines all that nutritional information in a way to live for optimum health.
What I do find problematic is the fragmented nature of this. Yes, these are good foods and should be eaten, but I wonder how many people focus then so much of the foods in isolation. I know for myself I could add more, let's say, blackberries because I know they are good for me. But, if I am still indulging in other unhealthy foods, is that same benefit still there? I know for me--and this may or may not be true for other people--such an approach is too fragmented to be helpful. There are so many "healthy fragments" that I could incorporate a couple of them and mistakenly call myself healthy. That is something I no longer wish to do. In that way, I find great comfort in the way that Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live program combines all that nutritional information in a way to live for optimum health.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same
Today, Mr. Conundrum forced me to go through some old books to clear out some space. This is a long overdue task, but the reality of my life is that I need Mr. C. to push me to do things like this--the physical organization of space. While I was sorting through the books, I found an old journal--at least 10 years old. Like many journals of mine, this had two pages of good intentions, and then the writing stopped. The journal was, yes, about focusing on myself, so I could lose weight. I found it ironic that in the big scheme of things, I had made no progress and depending on the year, much regression since I wrote that.
Certainly, my little spurt right now is of a changed person. But, I have had other moments like that in the past ten years. I definitely feel committed right now. But, a month ago I was, and I did not maintain my commitment. So, I am right back where I started from on paper. I think, though, with my history and the fact that I could write the same thing now more than ten years later shows how little progress I have made. This in and of itself is very discouraging, and I could choose to see it as only discouraging.
But, I do feel things are different. I feel like my successes and failures this summer are all part of the same attempt and that I am definitely moving toward success. I certainly have much greater nutritional knowledge and how that knowledge can change my future. Thanks to Eat to Live, I know intellectually what I need to do to change and why I need to do it. I need to eat by getting the highest nutritional value of the foods I eat. I need to make salad the main dish every day. I need to have green smoothies and lots of beans and salad greens to take away the cravings. I need to have cooked greens and nuts to help my body toward health, toward healing. I have to go through toxic hunger in order to end up without it.
And, I think the most important thing I learned is that I have to follow Dr. Fuhrman's plan fully or I do not make it. Part of why I fall off is denial. If I do it halfway, I can be successful--obviously, that is not true or I wouldn't be thinking the same words from my past would hold true in every way today. Another thing I have learned, too, is that I didn't set myself up for success by maintaining my coffee habit--thinking if I took care of the eating, the coffee could follow. However, I do believe the coffee had to be gone first in order to have the eating plan follow. My cravings are not nearly so strong and my mental clarity is better than when I have coffee. Part of that clarity comes from sleeping better.
A challenge to where I am right now will come in the form of this weekend. I have some nice momentum right now and an exercising/eating plan for the week. I will need to do better than last weekend and last year at this time. This weekend has a number of challenges that I do need to meet head-on. I am hoping that the success of this week will breed the success of the future in the form of this weekend. But, really, the choice is mine for this. I just need to make it happen.
Certainly, my little spurt right now is of a changed person. But, I have had other moments like that in the past ten years. I definitely feel committed right now. But, a month ago I was, and I did not maintain my commitment. So, I am right back where I started from on paper. I think, though, with my history and the fact that I could write the same thing now more than ten years later shows how little progress I have made. This in and of itself is very discouraging, and I could choose to see it as only discouraging.
But, I do feel things are different. I feel like my successes and failures this summer are all part of the same attempt and that I am definitely moving toward success. I certainly have much greater nutritional knowledge and how that knowledge can change my future. Thanks to Eat to Live, I know intellectually what I need to do to change and why I need to do it. I need to eat by getting the highest nutritional value of the foods I eat. I need to make salad the main dish every day. I need to have green smoothies and lots of beans and salad greens to take away the cravings. I need to have cooked greens and nuts to help my body toward health, toward healing. I have to go through toxic hunger in order to end up without it.
And, I think the most important thing I learned is that I have to follow Dr. Fuhrman's plan fully or I do not make it. Part of why I fall off is denial. If I do it halfway, I can be successful--obviously, that is not true or I wouldn't be thinking the same words from my past would hold true in every way today. Another thing I have learned, too, is that I didn't set myself up for success by maintaining my coffee habit--thinking if I took care of the eating, the coffee could follow. However, I do believe the coffee had to be gone first in order to have the eating plan follow. My cravings are not nearly so strong and my mental clarity is better than when I have coffee. Part of that clarity comes from sleeping better.
A challenge to where I am right now will come in the form of this weekend. I have some nice momentum right now and an exercising/eating plan for the week. I will need to do better than last weekend and last year at this time. This weekend has a number of challenges that I do need to meet head-on. I am hoping that the success of this week will breed the success of the future in the form of this weekend. But, really, the choice is mine for this. I just need to make it happen.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Monday Musings
Monday is a pretty important day in the world of "dieting", which I am not doing. However, I cannot help but be cognizant of a cycle that has been part of my life and part of other's lives for a long time. When I do not do well eating, I always think, "I will start on Monday." This line is perhaps one of the biggest falsehoods of my life. Very rarely have I ever started on Monday, and much of the time, the line was excuse to avoid responsibility. And, if I did actually start on Monday, it was because I was internally motivated.
Even now, Monday carries significance. Weekends are historically some of my worst eating times, so taking stock on Monday is also part of what I have done. If I have eaten poorly (even if I am in a good streak), I find I dread the responsibility that comes on Monday to make things right again with my eating patterns. And, if I have done fairly well over the weekend, then Monday is a particularly positive day that does not contain the cognitive dissonance of having my actions not meet my wishes. I like these kind of Mondays.
Yet, some of these destructive patterns do come from a lack of structure that comes on the weekend. In this case of this upcoming weekend, I will be traveling and unable to stick to my routines, which, for the moment are more positive than negative. I did indulge in some of my mom's home-cooked comfort food last night, but my indulgence was controlled. Most importantly, I did not allow it to become more than a one-night deal. Today, I have been back on track and ate fully on the Fuhrman plan.
In terms of today as Monday, I would feel better about myself if I hadn't gone off plan on Saturday. But, I am pleased with where I am at. And, I haven't beat myself up over any of it. Last weekend is what it is. Today is what it is. And, tomorrow, I will wake up feeling good from my exercise today and feeling good because I ate well today. And, it feels good to put caffeine withdrawal behind me. I am feeling a mental clarity that I like.
Even now, Monday carries significance. Weekends are historically some of my worst eating times, so taking stock on Monday is also part of what I have done. If I have eaten poorly (even if I am in a good streak), I find I dread the responsibility that comes on Monday to make things right again with my eating patterns. And, if I have done fairly well over the weekend, then Monday is a particularly positive day that does not contain the cognitive dissonance of having my actions not meet my wishes. I like these kind of Mondays.
Yet, some of these destructive patterns do come from a lack of structure that comes on the weekend. In this case of this upcoming weekend, I will be traveling and unable to stick to my routines, which, for the moment are more positive than negative. I did indulge in some of my mom's home-cooked comfort food last night, but my indulgence was controlled. Most importantly, I did not allow it to become more than a one-night deal. Today, I have been back on track and ate fully on the Fuhrman plan.
In terms of today as Monday, I would feel better about myself if I hadn't gone off plan on Saturday. But, I am pleased with where I am at. And, I haven't beat myself up over any of it. Last weekend is what it is. Today is what it is. And, tomorrow, I will wake up feeling good from my exercise today and feeling good because I ate well today. And, it feels good to put caffeine withdrawal behind me. I am feeling a mental clarity that I like.
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